Why do people with low self-esteem stay in toxic relationships? (2023)

Why do people with low self-esteem stay in toxic relationships?

People with low self-esteem also have low expectations, and low comparison levels. They do not expect many benefits from a relationship, but instead problems- so their low expectations are fulfilled and they stay in the relationship.

A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner's behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves.

As adults, they actually expect that love and pain are inseparable and that there is no other way to be. Unless they can muster up the courage to face separation to be able to leave those childhood limitations behind them, they may feel that there is no other way but to repeat what they've known.

Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.

Toxic people are often insecure people. They tend to make themselves feel or seem better than others by talking badly about them rather than taking concrete actions to develop their skills. Toxic people feel entitled to judge others, their actions, decisions, and lifestyles.

Insecurity and anxiety can lead to controlling behavior. Instead of using healthy coping skills, controlling people want to control the world around them in an attempt to feel better. While this desire for control is unhealthy, unhelpful, and may create relationship conflicts, it's not necessarily abusive.

The role models we grow up with are often the first source

We tend to repeat toxic relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and the like because of the role models we received as a child. The more aware we become of those patterns, the less likely we will continue seeking and repeating them unconsciously.

She may stay because she grew up in a family where abuse was normal, making it hard to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy. She may stay because she loves him and he seems to regret the violence. She may want to try to make the relationship work and help him to change. She may stay because she blames herself.

In many, if not most cases, staying in a toxic relationship is not good for anyone involved, in which case it may be in your best interest (and your children's best interest) to separate from your partner. It is worth repeating – parents want what is best for their children.

How do you emotionally detach from a toxic person?

Many people describe being in a toxic relationship as being addicted to drugs — that's how problematic and controlling it can be. Many people are addicted to toxic relationships because of various factors like codependency, insecurity, or trauma bonds.

It can even turn you into a toxic person. If you're suffering from low self-esteem, it's important to recognize the situation you're in and all the ramifications associated with it.

People with toxic traits know they have them

It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about.

People who display toxic behaviors might be doing it to try to bring others down. This may be done to make them feel better about themselves, to get more attention, or other reasons. They may judge your looks, actions, and decisions, regardless of how much it hurts you.

A person who feels insecure may suffer from an inferiority complex, which makes them believe they will never be good enough to be loved or wanted. Others may exhibit controlling or manipulative behavior.

Insecurity may stem from a traumatic event, crisis such as divorce or bankruptcy, or a loss. It can also result from one's environment, as unpredictability or upset in daily life can cause anxiety and insecurity about ordinary, routine events.

Gaslighting

Veasley says gaslighting is one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation and a toxic behavior you shouldn't tolerate. It's a good idea to identify ways to deal with gaslighting.

What is pocketing in a relationship?

Stashing—sometimes referred to as pocketing—is when one person in a relationship makes the conscious decision to hide the other person from his or her inner circle, and yes, that includes both in real life and on social media.

An abusive relationship can absolutely lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). To understand why this is, it is first important to understand what trauma does to the brain and how it can impact one's mental and physical wellbeing.

Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.

Toxic relationships make you feel good.

Narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people are good at doing the things to make you feel like they care and love you in limited doses. They typically have a lot of experience in doing enough to make you feel secure and are capable of misleading even the smartest among us.

Fear of conflict.

Usually, the longer you've been with someone, the more conflicted the process is. It is a sad reality that many men (and women) stay in unfulfilling relationships month after month, year after year, because they fear the pain involved in breaking up and moving on.

Because of the way it can impact your self-esteem, as well as the energy required to keep it going, an unhealthy relationship can feel like your everything — making it super difficult to leave. "For some, they see having an unhealthy relationship as better than not having a relationship at all," Madison says.

In abusive relationships, victims make an average of seven attempts to end the relationship before they do, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

The most unhappy time of your life is your forties, according to a phenomenon known as the “u-shaped” curve which states that happiness bottoms out around your forties then trends back up as you grow older.

(Yes, you can love someone but still be unhappy.) “Ask yourself: If today is my last day, can I say that I'm in the relationship that I want to be in? That I deserve to be in?” says Branson. If the answers are no, acknowledge that what you want does matter—and that it ultimately might be worth ending your relationship.

How do you deal with a miserable person all the time?

Merging of identities. Those who suffer from toxic attachment usually have a history of unhappiness, disrupt or disturbance in their childhood. For this reason, they often form unhealthy bonding complexes, which can cause them to be clingy or seek to merge their identity to their partner's.

Some of the physical side effects of a toxic relationship are disrupted sleep, poor nutrition, digestive issues, muscle tightness, fatigue/feeling constantly worn down, and immunity issues (getting ill more often).

While it may feel impossible and certainly takes time to stop loving someone, it's absolutely possible to do just that. In fact, you may find that in no longer loving this person you open yourself up to the possibility of loving others — and even yourself.

In true love, there's no struggle in embracing the individuality of your partner. In toxic love, there is an obsession with trying to change your partner into someone you'd rather be with instead of loving them for who they are.

Low Self-Esteem

When, despite their constant reassurance that you are a good person, you keep tearing yourself down, they may give up and break up. These are just a few examples of how people with a fear of intimacy might sabotage their relationships.

Low self-esteem can give rise to jealousy and insecurity in a relationship. You may question your worthiness to your partner, and believe it is a fluke they like you. As such, it is normal for people with low self-esteem to expect their partner may be attracted to someone else or fear they will leave the relationship.

Can low self-esteem ruin a relationship?

Research shows that self-esteem can influence your relationship satisfaction just as much as it affects your partner's. When you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities can start to creep in to the way you act with your significant other — and that can have a negative impact on both of you.

Signs of low self-esteem include: saying negative things and being critical about yourself. joking about yourself in a negative way. focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements.

Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem. Personality can also play a part. Some people are just more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.

Low self-esteem might create a desire in you to avoid serious commitment and always keep an eye on the exit. For example, you might develop a deep fear of intimacy that will keep you from creating emotional ties with your partner.

Key points. People self-sabotage love for various reasons, like fear, poor self-esteem, trust issues, high expectations, and inadequate relationship skills. To avoid getting hurt in relationships, people engage in a number of strategies, such as withdrawal, defensiveness, and attacking their partners.

Conversations with psychologists confirmed that the main reason why people sabotage their relationships (knowingly or unknowingly) is fear – fear of getting hurt, fear of intimacy, and fear of rejection. Another important finding was related to self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem end up regretting sacrifices they make, big or small, in relationships because they do not feel appreciated or supported by their partner. Low self-esteem partners can feel vulnerable in their relationship, including feeling insecure about their partner's support and love.

Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do. They often feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. People who struggle with low self-esteem are consistently afraid about making mistakes or letting other people down.

Can low self-esteem be permanent?

Studies show that low self-esteem is related to stress, depression and anxiety. Some psychologists believe that self-esteem stays where it is permanently. In other words, if you have low self-esteem, there's nothing you can do to improve it.

Low Self-Esteem Isn't Hopeless and Doesn't Have to Be Permanent. In your mental health journey, it's important to keep in mind that low self-esteem doesn't have to be permanent. There are many ways that your self-esteem can improve over time: Building self-esteem can be a long and gradual process.

Low self-esteem can cause people to be very dependent on the attentions of others—and in some cases, the attention of just one person isn't enough. It may also cause someone to feel insecure in their own relationship, so much so that they might cheat as a way of rejecting rather than being rejected.